IM SO SORRY YOU GUYS. I AM THE WORST PERSON.
I assume that many of you know about my new account being deactivated so suddenly... I am so selfish, I don't want to look at myself.
I was gone for this past month due to personal problems... I was practically fighting with myself, and I couldn't take it anymore.
Just looking at my art made me feel... disgusted. I was insecure and wanted to be alone. I didn't want to open my art programs to pixel or anything because I was scared I would make myself feel worse. Then I would log in and see all your wonderful messages and think to myself, "I can't disappoint these people." But looking at your compliments made me feel bad in a way, because I felt pressured for some reason, as if you guys were expecting me to make more art. I know that's not true, but it was just my mindset at the time... And whenever I feel pressured, I just snap. I do not like it when people have high expectations of me because I'm scared I wouldn't meet them. I start to feel insecure, and don't do much but think about it. It's pretty silly, I know, since you guys aren't pressuring me or anything. I was just scared.
I guess that's why I deactivated.
It's for selfish reasons, so I apologize. I feel horrible for making you all worry about someone like me, so I decided to inform you all that I am okay.
Please don't worry about me anymore. It makes me feel so bad.
Now, onto the next topic... Am I going to continue doing art?
Well.... I doubt it. I have tried continuously to open GIMP and pixel something, but I just exit the program within 5 minutes. My mind goes blank and stomach has knots whenever I draw. This is absolutely the worst case of art block I have EVER faced. I've been trying for a month so far, and no luck... way to start a new year.
I won't give up though-- I know I will find my spark to draw again. Someday. I don't want to give up art just yet, but I'll just take a loooong break from it. I hope you guys are willing to wait for me.
I have to say, I miss EVERYONE so badly. Especially my Fantastic 4 crew..! I am the worse friend in the world and I would completely understand if you hated me... I should of told you guys earlier. It was MY fault for being so selfish. I'm honestly sorry. After all this, it would amaze me if you all still liked me like before. But if you don't, I hope you can forgive me soon... or not. I do not blame you. I'm just so sorry I made you all worry. I am not worthy of your kind words, so please refrain from them... I truly do not deserve it.
So, tl;dr. I just wanted to tell you guys I am still alive. I won't be making art, but I want to talk to you guys still... if you don't hate me, that is. I will probably be using this account to communicate from now on, since !ailee-chi is now un-deactivateable. AND FOR MY CONTEST! I am giving first, second, and third each 200 points...! I'm so guilty that I can't even make you the art you deserve and would give you so much more points, but I only have 600 points left.... I am so sorry for the wait. I'm so sorry for everything. If only sorry made everything better.
Well. Feel free to express your happiness, sadness, hatred, shame, etc in the comments..! I would love to know whether I am still welcome or not.
Again, I am truly, deeply, HONESTLY sorry. I hope you have the heart to forgive me.